The difference between control and command

Frederic says he still does not see the real difference between control and command, since making a choice seems like controlling.

The Wonders illustrate with a hypothetical 16-year-old daughter asking to go out with her boyfriend.

Control answers yes or no on the basis that she must abide by the rules he has set up to mitigate his own fears, to keep her safe and to keep his life from being turned upside down, so whatever he says rests on his fears, judgments and guilt and amounts to controlling the circumstances.

Command would mean simply agreeing or disagreeing with the request in that moment, while recognizing that everything flowing from that moment cannot be controlled, so no fear, judgment or guilt could alter it.

Frederic says it helps though he needs to experience it, and they suggest he use this distinction to explore virtually every question he has.